As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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