Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
