So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
