Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
