Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
