In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
