Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
