I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
