my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Enjoy the penises
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
