okay pat passed out under dana's car
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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