god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
