Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
