Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
