last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
