Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
