what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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