i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
