if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
