i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
