The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
