If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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