I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
