Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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