Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he fucked my hip out of place.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
