There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
