I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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