Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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