i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
