I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
