i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
