your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
