I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
