The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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