The maid of honor just puked.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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