I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
