i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
