there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
