No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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