Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
