Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
