He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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