sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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