So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
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fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
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I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
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