"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
