And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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