Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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