oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
