I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
