I hope mine doesn't look like that
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
