don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
