You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
