If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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