Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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