Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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