i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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