you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
