um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
