he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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