I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
