forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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