Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
