I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
