My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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