He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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