You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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