I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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