Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize