so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
