I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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