Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
