Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
