What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
