I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Im at strip club and am horny
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
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