Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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