I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
