First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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