He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
