Apparently you make a good broom.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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