if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
